my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
