My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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