Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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