I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
