put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
