Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
