is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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