Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
