I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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