The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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