I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
