I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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