well most of my day revolves around power hour
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize