I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
