ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
now i know why i became what i already was.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
