Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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