Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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