I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
