Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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