Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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