Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
