I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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