If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
