I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
