yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
