Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
