left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
