Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
