I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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