What a fucking waste of an outfit
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
