Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
