he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
