its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
