Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
