I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
