I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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