He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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