from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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