I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
