Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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