Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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