mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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