So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize