U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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