Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
