i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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