I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just found puke in my bra..
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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