lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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