I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
