Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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