Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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