i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
