i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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