Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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