Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
