So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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