If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
