....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
