if you like me you must not know who I am
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
