You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I will pee on everything he values.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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