I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
