do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
