Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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