I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
