I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
