Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
