Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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