Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
