He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
